When actresses jump on the anti-Iraq bandwagon, they often combine down-home momism with an ignorance of Islamist intent which is truly awesome.

What sort of sap doesn't know by now that picture-perfect beauty is all done with smoke and mirrors anyway?

When did women whose looks are not their living start conducting themselves like the simpering inmates of an Ottoman empire seraglio?

One Christmas build-up tradition, however, has totally bypassed me - that of going up to town and doing a show.

Surely being a Professional Beauty - let alone an ageing one - is one of the most insecure and doomed careers imaginable.

Punk was over in two years. That was the only damn good thing about it.

Make no mistake, most women are well aware that they've never had it so good; when they enter a spa or salon, it is purely a hair/nails thing, a prelude to an evening of guilt-free fun.