Being a child is horrible. It is slightly better than being a tree or a piece of heavy machinery but not half as good as being a domestic cat.

These women whose antics we smirk at good-naturedly in the pap-traps put themselves out there at least partly on their beauty; they are in showbiz, and showing what they've got is part of their business as much as it is for male show-ponies from the Chippendales to George Clooney.

Surely being a Professional Beauty - let alone an ageing one - is one of the most insecure and doomed careers imaginable.

It's received wisdom that the English are uniquely child-unfriendly.

Whenever I am sent a new book on the lively arts, the first thing I do is look for myself in the index.

I feel even less patience with transsexuals.

Being a child is horrible. It is slightly better than being a tree or a piece of heavy machinery but not half as good as being a domestic cat.