As with most liberal sexual ideas, what makes the world a better place for men invariably makes it a duller and more dangerous place for women.

Being a child is horrible. It is slightly better than being a tree or a piece of heavy machinery but not half as good as being a domestic cat.

I won't be going to any New Year's Eve parties because I think they're naff. No one over the age of 15 should bother going to parties.

The latest twist on the pampering concept is spa parties, where a group of friends take over an entire spa.

Transsexualism is, basically, just another, more drastic twist on the male menopause.

Feminism seeks to turn the biggest, bloodiest carnivore in the world - passion - into a right-on cud-chewing vegan. It can never work. Sex was never meant to be that way. Sex, on the whole, was meant to be short, nasty and brutish. If what you want is cuddling, you should buy a puppy.

It is also interesting to note that the original supermodels are now making a comeback after being dismissed in the Nineties as being 'greedy' by a gaggle of male designers who lived like Sun Kings.