War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off.

A father's pride, laid on thick, has always made me wish that the fellow had at least experienced some pain during procreation.

A man's jealousy is a social institution; a woman's prostitution is an instinct.

The streets of Vienna are paved with culture, the streets of other cities with asphalt.

A historian is not always a prophet facing backwards, but a journalist is always someone who afterwards knew everything beforehand.

Most people only do what they are asked to do; success comes to those who do a little more.

There are writers who can express in as little as twenty pages what I occasionally need as many as two for.