War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off.

There is a shortage of clerks. Everyone is going into journalism.

Language is the only chimera whose illusory power is endless, the inexhaustibility which keeps life from being impoverished. Let men learn to serve language.

One of the most widespread diseases is diagnosis.

The closer the look one takes at a word, the greater distance from which it looks back.

Prussia: freedom of movement with a muzzle. Austria: an isolation cell in which screaming is allowed.

Religion, morality, and patriotism are feelings that are manifested only when they are outraged.