Many women would like to dream with men without sleeping with them. Someone should point out to them that this is utterly impossible.

A father's pride, laid on thick, has always made me wish that the fellow had at least experienced some pain during procreation.

Religion, morality, and patriotism are feelings that are manifested only when they are outraged.

The trouble with Germans is not that they fire shells, but that they engrave them with quotations from Kant.

I have often been asked to be fair and view a matter from all sides. I did so, hoping that something might improve if I viewed allsides of it. But the result was the same. So I went back to viewing things only from one side, which saves me a lot of work and disappointment. For it is comforting to regard something as bad and to be able to use one's prejudice as an excuse.

Stupidity gets up early; that is why events are accustomed to happening in the morning.

A journalist is stimulated by a deadline. He writes worse when he has time