Morality is a burglar's tool whose merit lies in never being left behind at the scene of the crime.

When I want to go to sleep, I must first get a whole menagerie of voices to shut up. You wouldn't believe what a racket they make in my room.

Sentimental irony is a dog that bays at the moon while pissing on graves.

If by day art is in the service of business, the evenings are devoted to the businessman's enjoyment of it. That is asking a lot of art, but art and the businessman make it work.

War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off.

You'd be surprised how hard it can often be to translate an action into an idea.

A philistine is habitually bored and looks for things that won't bore him. An artist finds things boring, but is never bored.