It is the mission of the press to disseminate intellect and at the same time destroy receptivity to it.

A father's pride, laid on thick, has always made me wish that the fellow had at least experienced some pain during procreation.

A comprehensive education is a well-stocked pharmacy: but we have no assurance that potassium cyanide will not be administered fora head cold.

Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work.

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation.

To be perfect, one lacks only a defect.

Many talents preserve their precociousness right into old age.