The real truths are those that can be invented.

Stupidity is an elemental force for which no earthquake is a match.

A good writer does not receive anywhere near the number of poison-pen letters that is commonly assumed. Among a hundred jackassesthere are not ten who will admit to being jackasses, and at most one who will put it in writing.

The world is a prison in which solitary confinement is preferable.

The unattractive thing about chauvinism is not so much the aversion to other nations as the love of one's own.

Education is what most receive, many pass on, and few possess.

Morality is a venereal disease. Its primary stage is called virtue; its secondary stage, boredom; its tertiary stage, syphilis.