There are many perks to living for twenty-one centuries, and foremost among them is bearing witness to the rare birth of genius. It invariably goes like this: Someone shrugs off the weight of his cultural traditions, ignores the baleful stares of authority, and does something his countrymen think to be completely batshit insane. Of those, Galileo was my personal favorite. Van Gogh comes in second, but he really was batshit insane.

You are telling me that your lawyer is a bloodsucking vampire?

Lie down and offer your throat. No, wait, that's how dogs submit. I know! Offer her you're wallet!" Oberon

If I waved that in front of a museum curator, he'd promptly lose control of his salivary glands.

She switched from ecstasy to embarrassment at about Mach five.

Anyone who's ever tried to tangle with a teddy bear cholla knows there's a whole lot more bear than teddy to it.

People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me.