If you are not learning, you are not living.

Think first. Think twice. Think again. Respect others. Respect yourself. Respect dreams.

Every few months I'll pop into a comedy club or go to Vegas.

I'm not a gay man, but I will say this: I get it now. I know what all the hype is about.

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.

As American as an apple is and as American as baseball is, they don't go together. You can't be chewing an apple at a baseball game. You've got to let go of the diet that day.

I don't want to be known as this goody-two-shoes who can only do comedies where puppies are licking peanut butter off my face.