It's the writer's job to stage confrontations, so the characters will say surprising and revealing things, and educate and entertain us all.

The most damning revelation you can make about yourself is that you do not know what is interesting and what is not.

If I were a younger man, I would write a history of human stupidity; and I would climb to the top of Mount McCabe and lie down on my back with my history for a pillow; and I would take from the ground some of the blue-white poison that makes statues of men; and I would make a statue of myself, lying on my back, grinning horribly, and thumbing my nose at You Know Who.

Think of what a paradise this world would be if men were kind and wise.

One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.

All right - I'll tell you what you did for me: you went for happy, silly, beautiful walks with me.

The New York Daily News suggested that my biggest war crime was not killing myself like a gentleman. Presumably Hitler was a gentleman.