Being American is to eat a lot of beef steak, and boy, we've got a lot more beef steak than any other country, and that's why you ought to be glad you're an American. And people have started looking at these big hunks of bloody meat on their plates, you know, and wondering what on earth they think they're doing.

Luck is not the hand of God.... Luck is the way the wind swirls and the dust settles eons after God has passed by.

My father said, ‘When in doubt, castle.’

There's only one me, and I'm stuck with him.

Mark Twain was so good with crowds that he became, in competition with singers and dancers and actors and acrobats, one of the most popular performers of his time. It is so unusual, and so psychologically unlikely, too, for a great writer to be a great performer, too.

The Population Reference Bureau predicts that the world's total population will double to 7,000,000,000 before the year 2000. I suppose they will all want dignity, I said.

We were all gun nuts and they were called varmints, crows were, because they ate grain and so did we.