We are about to be attacked by Al Qaeda. Wave flags if you have them. That always seems to scare them away. I'm kidding.

Being an American means never having to say you're sorry.

I'm a doctor of cowshit, pigshit, and chickenshit.....when you doctors figure out what you want, you'll find me out in the barn shoveling my thesis.

I love you, because the love you gave me was the only love I've ever had, the only love I ever will have

I was clasified as a 'Science Fiction' writer simply because I wrote about Schenectady.

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.

Honest to God, Bill, the way things are going, all I can think of is that I'm a character in a book by somebody who wants to write about somebody who suffers all the time.