The big trouble with dumb bastards is that they are too dumb to believe there is such a thing as being smart.

It is harder to be unhappy when you are eating.

I consider anybody a twerp who hasn't read the greatest American short story, which is 'Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge,' by Ambrose Bierce.

You know who was a hero? Franklin Roosevelt.

I keep losing and regaining my equilibrium, which is the basic plot of all popular fiction. And I myself am a work of fiction.

I'm a doctor of cowshit, pigshit, and chickenshit.....when you doctors figure out what you want, you'll find me out in the barn shoveling my thesis.

I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center.