Don't put one foot in your job and the other in your dream, Ed. Go ahead and quit, or resign yourself to this life. It's just too much of a temptation for fate to split you right up the middle before you've made up your mind which way to go.

Nietzsche had a little one-liner on how to choose a wife. He said, ''Are you willing to have a conversation with this woman for the next forty years?'' That's how to pick a wife.

If it weren't for the message of mercy and pity in Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, I wouldn't want to be a human being. I would just as soon be a rattlesnake.

Do you think Arabs are dumb? They gave us our numbers. Try doing long division with Roman numerals.

Montana was naked, and so was Billy, of course. He had a tremendous wang, incidentally. You never know who'll get one.

In real life as in grand opera, arias only make hopeless situations worse.

Characters paralyzed by the meaninglessness of modern life still have to drink water from time to time.