There is one other book, that can teach you everything you need to know about life... it's The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, but that's not enough anymore.

A committee of three can accomplish much if two don't show up.

It goes against the American storytelling grain to have someone in a situation he can't get out of, but I think this is very usual in life.

I was raised by a black maid by the name of Ida Young and I probably talked to her more than anybody, so whatever is nutty about me was nutty about her, too, I think because I saw a lot more of her than I did of my parents.

The big trouble with dumb bastards is that they are too dumb to believe there is such a thing as being smart.

I am a Tralfamadorian, seeing all time as you might see a stretch of the Rocky Mountains. All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It simply is.

One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.