I think jokes are a perfectly viable form of literature. Some critics take issue with me because I make my points and discuss my ideas with jokes, rather than with oceanic tragedy.

I learned how to make jokes because I wanted to give people as much fun as they did, and I guess I did, too.

You want to know something? We are still in the Dark Ages. The Dark Ages--they haven't ended yet.

Vietnam was an exercise in mistaken idealism Iraq in cynical money-making. And there's no optimism or idealism now -- Americans are tired of knowledge. Our leaders, the C-students from Yale, know this. We're proud of being ignorant that leaves virtue at our core. We aren't frazzled by knowledge like foreigners, so we can be trusted.

The slaves were simply turned loose without any property. They were easily recognizable. They were black. They were suddenly free to go exploring.

One thing I learned, with permission of the school committee of Indianapolis, was that when a tyrant or a government gets in trouble it wonders what to do. Declare war! Then nothing else matters. It's like chess; when in doubt, castle.

The highest possible form of treason is to say that Americans aren’t loved wherever they go, whatever they do.