Women are so useless and unimaginative, aren't they? All they ever think of planting in the dirt is the seed of something beautiful or edible. The only missile they can ever think of throwing at anybody is a ball or a bridal bouquet.

Virtually every writer I know would rather be a musician.

We were German-Americans in a British colony, so we were outsiders.

Jokes have to be quite naked to be understood. They have to be quite simple.

A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.

That's the secret of how to enjoy writing and how to make yourself meet high standards," said Mrs. Berman. "You don't write for the whole world, and you don't write for ten people, or two. You write for just one person.

One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.