Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.

Armistice Day has become Veterans' Day. Armistice Day was sacred. Veterans' Day is not. So I will throw Veterans' Day over my shoulder. Armistice Day I will keep. I don't want to throw away any sacred things. What else is sacred? Oh, Romeo and Juliet, for instance. And all music is.

Everything about life is a joke. Don't you know that?

The most damning revelation you can make about yourself is that you do not know what is interesting and what is not.

profanity and obscenity entitle people who don't want unpleasant information to close their ears and eyes to you.

The umpire had comical news. The congregation had been theoretically spotted from the air by a theoretical enemy. They were all theoretically dead now. The theoretical corpses laughed and ate a hearty noontime meal.

...this is a hard world to be ludicrous in, with so many human beings so reluctant to laugh, so incapable of thought, so eager to believe and snarl and hate.