Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.

if there is a god, he sure hates people

Some jerk infected the Internet with an outright lie. It shows how easy it is to do and how credulous people are.

My soul knows my meat is doing bad things, and is embarrassed. But my meat just keeps right on doing bad, dumb things.

Writers can treat their mental illnesses every day.

The Chicago City News Bureau was a tripwire for all the newspapers in town when I was there, and there were five papers, I think. We were out all the time around the clock and every time we came across a really juicy murder or scandal or whatever, they'd send the big time reporters and photographers, otherwise they'd run our stories. So that's what I was doing, and I was going to university at the same time.

The biggest laughs are based on the biggest disappointments and the biggest fears.