Nobody will stop you from creating. Do it tonight. Do it tomorrow. That is the way to make your soul grow.

If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.

I realize that some of you may have come in hopes of hearing tips on how to become a professional writer. I say to you, "If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. But do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, standing for absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.

I thought scientists were going to find out exactly how everything worked, and then make it work better.

You realize, of course, that everything I say is horseshit.

If Jesus was alive today, we would kill him with lethal injection. I call that progress. We would have to kill him for the same reason he was killed the first time. His ideas are just too liberal.

...Skyscraper National Park