The two most misused words in the entire English vocabulary are love and friendship. A true friend would die for you, so when you start trying to count them on one hand, you don't need any fingers.

Moses freed the Jews. Lincoln freed the slaves. I freed the neurotics.

You know, a huge drain on California's economy is the illegal immigrants. We need to close the borders.

I've always felt that feminism was just an excuse for ugly women to march.

Politics is my hobby. Smut is my vocation.

People aren't interested in others controlling what they can do or read or see in the privacy of their own homes.

Any time there's a scandal, we always try and get involved.