I have a basic theorem as to how I do my jokes. Growing up, I knew when to cross the line and when not to cross the line. It's the same with my comedy. I know what my audience will take and how much they won't take. I can't give you a formula for it. It's my own personal formula inside my head. Somebody else's might be different.

People always ask my mom what I did as a kid. My mom says, "He wasn't a bad kid. He was never an unruly kid, always listened and obeyed."

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

Sometimes you've gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck.

I was pretty subdued [as a kid ] because I didn't want to get spanked, and I didn't want to go to Hell.

I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park.

When I was a kid down there it was always a dream to go to a Nebraska game but when you live in those small towns you hardly ever get up to one.