I'm saying, come on, the global warming thing? How did the ice melt during the ice ages? Was the dinosaurs driving SUVs around back then?

I was madder than a midget with a yo-yo

Sanford is a little redneck town north of Orlando. It's right off Lake Jessup.Lake Jessup is the most alligator infested lake in the United States and I live literally 5/10ths of a mile north of that lake right off the swamp down here. I've lived here since '94. When I left Nebraska my dad got a job at a private Christian school in West Palm Beach. People will say "You're not really a country boy. You're from Palm Beach, Florida." Well, I moved to West Palm Beach, FL which is a far cry from Palm Beach, FL. There's a reason it's called West Palm Beach.

I've been fortunate, I've been blessed, and I attribute my success to all my fans. People want to do things with you when you have a big fan base, and I have a great fan base.

I saw a sign one time that said 'hemorrhoids awareness week' at the doctor's office. Let me tell you, if you got hemorrhoids, I'm sure you are aware of it. You don't need a sign to tell anybody about it.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

I don't do my show for critics. Early on I did, because I'm a nice guy and I like to be liked by everybody, and I thought, "Hey, I'm just making people laugh, what's the big deal?" There have been all different types of comics that appeal to all different types of people. Why rail on me? But yeah, they really don't like Southern acts.