I don't have a lot of recreation time. I've always been under the assumption that if you're selling tickets you need to work. The kind of success that's happened to me maybe only happens to one comedian every twenty years and so I'm on the road constantly.

I saw a sign one time that said 'hemorrhoids awareness week' at the doctor's office. Let me tell you, if you got hemorrhoids, I'm sure you are aware of it. You don't need a sign to tell anybody about it.

When I was a kid down there it was always a dream to go to a Nebraska game but when you live in those small towns you hardly ever get up to one.

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

I know I don't want to take the Lord's name in vain, and I don't want to drop any F-bombs.

Some guy came up to me with his kids, ages probably 10 and 12, and said that the reason he likes me is because he sat through an hour and twenty-minute show, and I didn't cuss one time. So it just really depends.

I pretty much live on my tour bus.I do well around 300 shows a year. A lot of times I will do two shows a night.