Living in a small town you couldn't go anywhere on a Saturday where a store had the game on. If you were downtown you heard the game. If you were at the gas station you heard the game. I remember I would be mowing the lawn and I would stop for the Nebraska game. I would have it cranking outside.

If guns kill people, I can blame misspelled words on my pencil.

I get so sick and tired of Wikipedia. People write their own crap on there.

I don't think every joke has to be so dadgum cerebral. I mix it up really good, because that's the kind of humor I like. I like the goofy one-liner type stuff.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

I was scared into being good. But I'm sure I did regular kid stuff.

I'm defending free speech pretty much all over the place because you still have freedom of speech.