For the sake of argument I'll ignore all your fighting words.

[Perl] gives you the STDERR filehandle so that your program can make snide comments off to the side while it transforms (or attempts to transform) your input into your output.

I suppose you could switch grammars once you've seen 'use strict subs'.

Reserve your abuse for your true friends.

Call me bored, but don't call me boring.

I procrastinate, but mostly because there's always too many things to do, and I got the stew in my mind that things do bubble up, so I'll throw things in there and let them stew around. It's sort of like greasing the squeaky wheels in my own brain.

It's easier to make up sayings people like to hear than sayings they like to heed.