Laziness is a programmers main virtue.
Call me bored, but don't call me boring.
It is easier to port a shell than a shell script.
The young think they are immortal, and are determined to prove otherwise.
Well, you can implement a Perl peek() with unpack('P',...). Once you have that, there's only security through obscurity.
True greatness is measured by how much freedom you give to others, not by how much you can coerce others to do what you want.