That kiss was really nice you know before you...bit me, but it was still nice.

So many of us had been armed that there were holsters and weapons scattered among the passed-out bodies like mercenary prizes in a fleshy Cracker Jack box.

Some moments are perfect, and then someone comes along and f*cks it up. Ain't it always the way.

We are not created equal in talent. But the place where we are least equal is the heart. You can work at a talent, take lessons, but love, love either works or it doesn't. You love someone or you don't. You can't change it. You can't undo it.

Somehow I think Trophy Wives wear more makeup and less cutlery. But hey, I haven't ever met a Trophy Wife, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they know what I know, that the true way to a man's heart is six inches of metal between his ribs.

If I went in the cage, I was going to end up eaten alive. That was actually one of my top five ways not to die.

A little boy who's discovered the monster under the bed is actually real, and it's screwing Mommy.