I never know what I'm going to write next, and when I think I do I usually turn out to be mistaken.

Stories are like assholes. Everybody's got one and most of 'em stink.

As my late mother famously observed, the one thing to be said for growing old is that every year there are a few more things I don’t have to give a rat’s ass about.

If you cannot stand a spoon upright in the cup, then the coffee is too weak.

Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.

And, as long as you can make yourself go on choosing the pain over the relief, you can keep going.

To say I drank my way into marriage isn't much of an exaggeration, and it's none at all to say I drank my way out of it.