Honey, the only experts in PMS are men. That's why men are so good at fighting wars; they learned Escape and Evade at home.

Okay, let me get a pen." There were rustling noises. "I can't find one." More noises. "Okay,shoot." "You found a pen?" "No, but I have a can of Cheez Whiz. I'll write your number on the counter with it, then find a pen and copy it." Jaine recited her number and listened to the spewing noise as Shelley Cheez-Whizzed it on her countertop.

I’m Sam Donovan.” “I know who you are. Mrs. Kulavich told me. I’m Jaine Bright.” “I know. She told me. She even told me how you spell your name.” Now, how on earth had Mrs. Kulavich known that?

Hormones were as potent as whiskey, and twice as sneaky.

A thousand thoughts ran through my mind. Well, at least six or seven, anyway, because a thousand thoughts are a lot. Try counting your own thoughts and see how long it takes you to get to a thousand.

I have a real low tolerance for parasites, and you're so close to the limit that I'm already reaching for the flea powder.

The world was divided into two groups: those who showered at night, and those who showered in the morning.