Really life is about narcissism; no one is ever thinking about you much. You always think people are thinking about you way more than they are.

Really life is about narcissism; no one is ever thinking about you much. You always think people are thinking about you way more than they are.

One of the first things Catholic school taught me is that babies were born sinners. You sucked before you took your first breath.

I'm Catholic. My mother and I were unpacking and she found my diaphragm. I had to tell her it was a bathing cap for my cat.

Opportunities present themselves to me. That's how my whole life has been pretty much. I've been lucky.

Nebraska is proof that hell is full and the dead are walking the earth.

I suppose the difference between baby people and me is that I do not consider smiling while farting 'holding up your end of a conversation.