I was going to be a teacher and improve the world. Teach people with hooks for hands to fingerpaint, and teach bums to draw happy faces on beads.

I majored in Chinese Studies. I'm probably the only director of chicken Indian zombie movies who can speak pretty good Mandarin.

I don't make crappy movies. I spend two or three years making a film. I don't take myself seriously, but I take my movies very seriously.

It's a lonely world, being independent, and they can come away with the idea that if Lloyd Kaufman can make movies with people getting their heads squashed, with hard-bodied lesbians, women masturbating with pickles, graphic diarrhea, and singing and dancing chicken zombies - if he can do that for 40 years and put his kids through Yale, Columbia, and Duke - if that idiot can do it, anybody can do it.

I like fat people more then I like thin people, things are always a lot more funnier when they happen to fat people.

Movies are art and the spirit of the movie depends on the creators.

Comedy is not commercial; it is risky, because what is funny in one place isn't always funny somewhere else.