I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that.

How do women still go out with guys, when you consider the fact that there is no greater threat to women than men? We're the number one threat to women. Globally and historically, we're the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women... You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.

My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people.

You know when you see a mother someplace just melting down on her kid? She's like, 'Shut up, I hate you, you're ugly!'... Any parents there are thinking, 'What did that shitty kid do to that poor woman? That poor woman. I wish I could help.'

People don't talk to me on airplanes.

It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me.

I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.