I said, "Do you think she thinks it's me?" Jas said, "Well, it's pretty conclusive, isn't it? She said 'the most sniveling idiot I have ever come across.'" I said, "I didn't know that YOU have been seeing Masimo. Tom the Slug King is going to be very upset.

Jassie, guess what I'm dancing in!' 'I don't know, a bowl?' 'Non... I am dancing in my Nuddy-pants!

I think 'growing up' would mean that you are incredibly tolerant and easygoing, liked everything, curious about the world because you weren't so egotistically driven.

How many times do we all have to do this? Get up, go to school, again? Before everyone admits it's a crap idea?

The tannoy is crackling but I can only hear heavy breathing and snuffling. ... Uh-oh, the tannoy is crackling again. "Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen, I momentarily lost hold of my pie.

Some things in life are not pleasant but they have to be done. For instance, German and maths.

What shall I say? I must tread a fine line between glaciosity and friendlinosity. With just a hint of 'you don't know what you are missing, my fine-feathered friend.