How many times do we all have to do this? Get up, go to school, again? Before everyone admits it's a crap idea?

My cousin Georgia says that boys are like gazelles. She says the get alarmed when they get close to girls. And they have to leap off into the woods like gazelles in trousers. Or have I just made that up?

Its okay I'm wearing really big knickers.

Look, I can't go out with you, because... because... because I'm a lesbian.

Shut up Jas, you are not Baby Jesus

Here is my recipe for a mood enhancer. Take a friend, preferably one with a really annoying fringe and outsize pants, and when she is rambling on swiftly, push her into a ditch and run away.

Watching TV mum said," Do you miss your dad?" And I said," Who?