I think things evolve into jokes. I don't generally write them down as jokes. I talk them out.

They used to have a smoking section at most airports. No more. They now have these glass-encased rooms. You're not just a smoker, you're an example to other people. You're an exhibit at a futuristic zoo.

I’m glad to be part of the war on sadness. I’m a part time employee of the illusion that keeps people stupid.

It amazes me that we are all on Twitter and Facebook. By "we" I mean adults. We're adults, right? But emotionally we're a culture of seven-year-olds. Have you ever had that moment when are you updating your status and you realize that every status update is just a variation on a single request: "Would someone please acknowledge me?

It's easy to maintain your integrity when no one is offering to buy it out.

When you're a kid, you always feel you have this weird kindred-spirit thing with other Jews, until you get older and you realize it's just middle-class bourgeois Jews that sort of fit a template that your family fits into one way or another.

There's nothing more horrifying than the possibility or the idea that you will just fade away into obscurity.