Most of my comedy writing happens through improvisation on stage; doing it in the moment. Going up with an idea and fleshing it out over time on stage and in front of people until it becomes a full bit.

Comedy is obviously a matter of personal taste and the world always needs a clown and some people have no taste at all and any clown will do.

That’s the big challenge of life—to chisel disappointment into wisdom so people respect you and you don’t annoy your friends with your whining.

I'm not for everyone. I'm barely for me.

You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries. And a second later, you're like, 'Damn, I could have had a car.'

I’m glad to be part of the war on sadness. I’m a part time employee of the illusion that keeps people stupid.

I'm not against people just being funny or telling stories. I don't need to delve into the soft, dark core all the time. If it happens, it happens.