That’s the big challenge of life—to chisel disappointment into wisdom so people respect you and you don’t annoy your friends with your whining.
Dogs are too much to handle. I don't need anything in my house that's needier than me.
I think that standup has always been an acquired taste and there was always only a handful of performers that were really inspired.
Art is supposed to punch you in the brain, and it's supposed to stay punched.
I was married once before, and I stopped.
My monologues aren't always funny. They're generally thoughtful. Sometimes at different levels of aggravation. And sometimes no aggravation. But the pressure on me is not to be joke-efficient when I'm talking on this mic. And that sets the tone.