Jokes do finish themselves. I really do see them as ongoing conversations about personal themes that I ruminate on.

Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'

When you actually meet the devil and he offers you a deal most artists eventually negotiate.

I look at every book as a self-help book.

For 15 years of my life I smoked, I drank, I used to do drugs... but during that time, I never once thought I was going to die. But the second I set foot on a stairmaster -the second- I am sure my heart is gonna explode and blood is gonna spray out of my nose.

I'm not for everyone. I'm barely for me.

I feel bad for people who have never been addicted to anything, because they're the real losers. You want to know why? Because they don't know what it's like to really want something - and then get it again and again and again.