Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'

That's an animal fable about humility. If you survive your mistake, you must learn from it. Accept that you're fragile, vulnerable, and sometimes stupid. Realize that you're not immortal and you've got to take care of yourself. And then laugh it off and fly away.

Everyone is a little bitter. We're born bitter. The personality itself is really just a very complex defense mechanism. A reaction to the first time someone said, "No you can't.

Conversation is a beautiful thing. When I was a younger guy, just wandering around talking to people was what kept me connected to the world.

I always thought I was funny, but I was very sensitive, and very provocative just to get a rise out of people.

Hopefully standup will become special again.

Art is supposed to punch you in the brain, and it's supposed to stay punched.