That's the nature of comedy. You always want to be improving and growing and changing with what's happening in the world. That's when comedy is most effective.

I always wonder why Republicans hate gay marriage, because they certainly don't hate gay prostitutes.

Try to have a good day today, wherever you are, whatever you do, whoever is near, if no one is near. Try to be happy, because you may not see tomorrow. There is someone this morning, who didn't wake up, who will never see this day. Try to feel lucky that this is not you.

I thought I was so ugly for so long, and I wasted so much of my life on this dumb notion.

It’s like your batteries get low, and you need to charge them on someone else’s story.

I am into belly dancing. I used to only hang with comics. Now I have friends who are dancers, and my whole house has a harem feel.

I think self-deprecation is such a disease, and I want to cure everybody of it and so that's my contribution.