Never shall I forget those naked, clean-swept little Canadian towns, one just like the other. Before I was twelve years old, I must have lived in fifty of them.

I enjoy reading biographies because I want to know about the people who messed up the world.

... the more you love what you do, the harder it is to do it well enough to get by yourself.

I was born serious and I have earned my bread making other people laugh.

I'll have my double chins in privacy.

I'm too homely for a prima donna and too ugly for a soubrette.

I never weep over lost money, for I figure I'd rather go to the poorhouse once than go there every day.