Why do scuba divers fall backwards off a boat? Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat.

Take it from me because I learned the hard way: circumcisions are best left to professionals.

Vegetables....a waste of good plate space

I don't stream or buy CDs pretty much everything I buy, I do it on iTunes.

Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny.

I feel like being in a band, you get license to be a kid forever.

I dated the same girl all through high school.