If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

Where a blood relation sobs, an intimate friend should choke up, a distant acquaintance should sigh, a stranger should merely fumble sympathetically with his handkerchief.

High and fine literature is wine, and mine is only water; but everybody likes water.

Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

We have not all had the good fortune to be ladies. We have not all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground.

But we are all insane, anyway ... The suicides seem to be the only sane people.