If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

When the human race has once acquired a superstition, nothing short of death is ever likely to remove it.

The Christian Bible is a drug store. It´s contents have remained the same but the medical practice continues. For 1,800 years these changes were slight--scarcely noticeable... The dull and ignorant physician day and night, and all the days and all the nights, drenched his patient with vast and hideous doses of the most repulsive drugs to be found in the store´s stock. He kept him religion sick for eighteen centuries, and allowed him not a well day during all that time.

The cayote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him, and even the fleas would desert him for a velocipede.

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

There isn't anything you can't stand if you are only born and bred to it.

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.