All human rules are more or less idiotic.

I have only one moral precept; never smoke more than five cigars at a time.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

I've seen many troubles in my time, only half of which ever came true.

Suddenly the nickel-clad horse takes the bit in its mouth and goes slanting for the curbstone defying all prayers and all your powers to change its mind - your heart stands still, your breath hangs fire, your legs forget to work.

I'm merely running some errands. This is now off the record.