We like to read about rich people in the newspapers; the papers know it, and they do their best to keep this appetite liberally fed.

Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.

Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction.

Whiskey is for drinking; water is for fighting over.

Most of the things I worried about in life never happened.

It is governed by minorities, seldom or never by majorities. It suppresses its feelings and its beliefs and follows the handful that makes the most noise. Sometimes the noisy handful is right, sometimes wrong, but no matter, the crowd follows it.

Sufficient unto the day is one baby. As long as you are in your right mind don't you ever pray for twins. Twins amount to a permanent riot; and there ain't any real difference between triplets and a insurrection. - The Babies speech 1879