The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

You don't know about me, without you have read a book by the name of 'The Adventures of Tom Sawyer,' but that ain't no matter. That book was made by a Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly.

What a lie it is to call this a free country, where none but the unworthy and undeserving may swear.

I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.

There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.

If the bubble reputation can be obtained only at the cannon's mouth, I am willing to go there for it, provided the cannon is empty.

Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings.