It's a good thing for a dog to have fleas; keeps his mind off being a dog.

Never tell a lie-except for practice.

If you take epitaphs seriously, we ought to bury the living and resurrect the dead.

Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom; it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period.

Tis Better to Sit there and LOOK the fool, than to open your mouth and prove it.

This is the year 1492. I am eighty-two years of age. The things I am going to tell you are things which I saw myself as a child and as a youth.

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.