The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.

It makes one hope and believe that a day will come when, in the eye of the law, literary property will be as sacred as whiskey, or any other of the necessaries of life. It grieves me to think how far more profound and reverent a respect the law would have for literature if a body could only get drunk on it.

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. Exercise is loathsome. And it cannot be any benefit when you are tired; and I was always tired.

It is not worth while to strain one's self to tell the truth to people who habitually discount everything you tell them, whether it is true or isn't.

A sin takes on a new and real terror when there seems a chance that it is going to be found out.

That which was hard to endure is sweet to remember.

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.