Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

If smoking cigars is not permitted in heaven, I won''t go.

As by the fires of experience, so by commission of crime you learn real morals. Commit all crimes, familiarize yourself with all sins, take them in rotation (there are only two or three thousand of them), stick to it, commit two or three every day, and by and by you will be proof against them. When you are through you will be proof against all sins and morally perfect. You will be vaccinated against every possible commission of them. This is the only way.

Inherited ideas are a curious thing, and interesting to observe and examine.

Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.